My child has ADHD.... Is it my fault?

No it is not. ADHD is a medical condition. It is not caused by bad parenting or anything that you do or don't do for your child. It can be tough being the parent of a child with ADHD. You may feel constantly exhausted and, even though you do everything you can to support your child, you may feel like you're getting nowhere. Some parents of children with ADHD are embarrassed when their child misbehaves at the supermarket, while others have trouble finding a child minder or getting other kids to play with their child. Parents of ADHD children who are mainly inattentive (without hyperactivity) can find it difficult to get them to join in activities with others. Many parents feel guilty because, even though they love their child with ADHD, they don't want to accept their behaviour. Kids with ADHD are not intentionally being naughty or disruptive - they have a behavioural disorder. Do many kids have ADHD? Yes, in fact, the majority of sources indicate that up to 6% of Australian children have ADHD, although some healthcare professionals believe that the figure is greater than this because many children with ADHD are undiagnosed. (Many are also untreated.) It had been thought that the ratio of ADHD in boys to girls was 2:1, although recent research suggests that it might be closer to 1:1. Why does my child have ADHD? Current research has shown that people with ADHD have a chemical difference in parts of their brain. Some of the chemicals (called neurotransmitters) that normally control behaviour are not efficiently transported around the brain. Genetics may play a part and in many cases children have a bigger chance of having ADHD if one of their relatives also has it. Tell me more about these ADHD behaviours....Hyperactivity: "Where does he get all that energy?" Kids who are hyperactive may not necessarily be running around the room or "climbing the walls". But they will appear to be in constant motion - tapping their fingers or their feet, swinging their legs, wriggling in a chair or talking like a machine gun. They may be up and down during meals or doing several things at once when playing or watching TV. Hyperactive children are constantly restless. Distractibility or inattention: "If only she would pay attention!" Kids who are distractible often have short attention spans because they attend to everything - it's like their radar is too sensitive. Of all the things we see and hear that compete for our attention, distractible children have trouble working out which are the most important. Their minds can become cluttered with information. Some kids are more distracted by visual things - cloud formations, or the movements of people or birds. Others have difficulty coping with sound - people talking car horns beeping, telephones ringing. Distractible children easily forget instructions and can never seem to get a job finished. Impulsivity: "He doesn't look before he leaps!" Some children don't stop to think before they act. They say their thoughts out loud and are sorry they said things before they finish. They answer the teacher's questions before the teacher finishes asking. They get angry and yell, throw or hit. They don't learn from experience because they can't pause long enough to reflect before they act. This can mean they may not consider the consequences of their actions. Children who are impulsive frequently get into trouble at home, with friends and at school, and they may not understand why they are in trouble. How can I be sure my child has ADHD? All children can be hyperactive, distractible or impulsive in response to particular situations, but usually these behaviours change or go away as the situation changes or when the child learns to cope with the situation. For some children, however, hyperactivity, distractibility and impulsivity are caused by neurological differences in the child's brain - ADHD. Investigating the possibility of ADHD is a long and involved process - a lot of information must be collected before a diagnosis of ADHD can be confirmed by a medical practitioner. Government requirements vary in each state but often a developmental paediatrician or psychiatrist work with the general practitioner and other professionals in the long-term management of a child. For a diagnosis of ADHD, some symptoms must have been present before 7 years of age. They have to be present in more than one environment (e.g. at home and at school) and be inappropriate for the age of the child and the setting. The evaluation for ADHD will often involve a psychologist, who will look at how your child performs different tasks to make sure that any behaviours are not caused by psychological problems such as anxiety or depression. They will also be able provide information on the learning style of your child. Other health professionals such as a speech pathologist, occupational therapist and physiotherapist might also examine your child if the doctor or psychologist think that it is needed. Ideally, the full team of health professionals should meet to discuss what they've found and to establish a diagnosis and treatment plan. One or more members of the team, including your doctor, should meet with you to explain the diagnosis and to help you know what to do next. ADHD behaviours cause problems! ADHD often interferes with more than just schoolwork. It can affect social success, games, sports, activities with other children and family relationships - it interferes with all aspects of life. To understand your child you must look at their difficulties from all sides. If your child has ADHD they may experience: social difficulties (immaturity, poor relationships with children their own age); emotional problems (anger, sadness, anxiety or disruptive behaviour); conflict in the family. Social difficulties: "Why won't anyone play with my child? It isn't surprising that kids with ADHD may not get along with their peers. If kids have trouble achieving what others of their own age do, they may choose to play with younger children or withdraw from others altogether. Some children with ADHD find that they are less likely to be embarrassed or experience failure if they control their world. They do only what they want to do, and only the way they want to do it. They appear bossy and unpredictable. Kids with ADHD can have trouble processing information, including language (either spoken or written language). This means that sometimes there is a misunderstanding of what is conveyed by someone else. Some children with ADHD may have difficulty recognising social cues and using social skills. For example, they misinterpret the look on another person's face or the body language that suggests that they are being annoying, so don't recognise when to stop. Or they might intrude into the personal space of others, or dominate play. Consequently, they may act inappropriately or seem immature, which leads to rejection. Emotional problems: "He seems really unhappy...."Children with ADHD often feel frustrated. They experience failure over time and, therefore, can feel inadequate, naughty or lazy. They may think they are stupid for not doing better at school. These feelings can make them become reactive and lead to conflict. Alternatively they might internalise their feelings and become depressed and withdrawn. A lot of kids with untreated ADHD have poor self-esteem. Some children with ADHD manipulate their world to avoid stressful situations such as having to read or do maths, or whatever else they have difficulty concentrating on. For example, they may become the "class clown" or do everything they can to get themselves thrown out of the classroom. Conflict in the family: "I could scream with frustration!"As a parent you may become very frustrated trying to understand or help your child. Initially you might have difficulty accepting that your child has a problem, or you might deny the problem. Even when you have accepted it, you might still be angry that this happened to you, or wonder just what caused it. In addition, you may feel that friends and relatives don't understand ADHD and blame you for not controlling your child's behaviour better. Each of these feelings take time to accept and learn to live with. If you continue to have difficulty, discuss these feelings with your doctor or an experienced counsellor. You may also wish to consider meeting other parents of children with ADHD through a ADHD support group.Family members often disagree about the best way to raise your child with ADHD. Some believe in being firm and strict, while others may prefer to be understanding and permissive. These different opinions can put stress on any relationship or marriage, so you may want to talk to a relationship counsellor who knows about ADHD if you need to. Brothers and sisters may have difficulties in relation to their sibling with ADHD, especially if they don't understand why their sibling acts as he or she does. They might be angry about double standards: "How come when he/she does it he/she gets away with it, but when I do it I get punished?" Others may feel guilty. They are told to be more understanding and accepting, yet they feel angry when the sibling's behaviour and the attention he or she gets. And many children hesitate to invite their friends to stay if they are worried about how their brother or sister with ADHD will behave. You may find it helpful to talk to an experienced counsellor (who knows about ADHD) about ways to relate to your child. Family therapy helps to address these problems for some. Your doctor will be able to put you in touch with people who might be able to help. Comorbidities: When kids have ADHD as well as other co-occurring problems they are said to have "comorbidities". If social and emotional problems are present to a significant extent, a psychologist or doctor might diagnose your child as having a comorbid psychological condition, for example, depression, anxiety or oppositional defiant disorder. Many kids with ADHD have comorbid learning disabilities, which makes it hard for them to learn to read, write or do maths, even though they may be just as intelligent as other kids. Although ADHD and learning disabilities frequently occur together, they are two different problems that need to be managed separately. (They will usually be managed by the same people, however, as part of a collaborative treatment approach.)